Be Nice to your Gas Station Attendant

One time I had a conversation with Gregory about how to be a good customer at Starbucks. I expected him to say something like, "Tip lots" or "buy expensive drinks so I get paid more", or even "Don't make a mess". What he actually said was "Answer me when I ask you how you're doing."

It makes a lot of sense. Think about it - it has to be demeaning when customer after customer responds to your optimistic greeting of "Hi! How are you today?" with no eye contact as they shovel through their purse for spare change and a mumbled "doubletallicemochalattewithhalfandhalfsugarnowhipcreamerandsoymilkonthesideandextracoffeegrounds."* That is not, in fact, a legitimate answer to the question, "how are you doing today?". And it's pretty damn rude.

So I took that conversation with Gregory and tried to apply it to other people in service occupations. The next day I had to go to the DMV to get my license replaced (I think it went overboard on a kayak excursion, but if you see someone who is not me trying to use my Costco card, stop them). Everybody knows about DMV people. It went well though. I'm not going to say that being cheerful will change the very cold heart of a DMV worker, but I did get a friendly conversation and she let me take the test after the advertised closing time. It was pretty great.

Then I stopped to get gas a couple days later, and instead of my usual "fill 'er up", I asked him how he was. He was surprisingly talkative. Turns out he just moved up from So-cal, and his friends had told him that people would be more polite here. His experience had been the opposite and he hated it. I hope I was able to restore some faith in the people of the northwest.

Since then, I've become really sensitive to the plight of the gas station attendant. They sit around all day long in the heat, cold, wind and rain, waiting for someone to drive up and demand to have their cars filled. They are surrounded by exhaust fumes and impatient people all day long. I can't imagine eight hours of that. I did a couple four hour shifts of pushing carts at Costco, and by the time I was done I was ready to key the cars of people who refused to return their carts to the corrals. Gas station attendants must have way more patience than me.

Today, I backed into the last remaining spot at a gas station. The person in the truck behind me had just finished and really wanted me to know that he was leaving right then. He didn't want to have to go around me, so he honked his horn at me a couple times before proceeding on. The attendant came up to me and apologized for the guy. 

You're a selfless hero, Mr. gas station attendant.

*This is what I hear when I hear people ordering at starbucks. I'm sure those of you who work there can translate it. As for me, when I order something it usually goes something like this: 

"Hey, can I have tea?" 

"Yeah, what size", 

"Uh...like a medium amount?" 

"So, grande?", 

"Maybe. That sounds kind of big though..." 

"Well, it's our medium size." 

"Oh, okay. Yeah a grande tea. Earl Grey please." 

"Grande Earl Grey. Do you want any sugar, honey or creamer?" 

"In my tea?!"

"Yeah."

"No. Just regular style please."

The Hipsters are Doing it Wrong

I think it's safe to say that most people like to be included. Being left out sucks, feeling left out might be even worse.

I first came to the harsh realization of this when I was somewhere around six or seven. I was (and still am) a classic tag along to my older brother Gregory. Now he had a certain character flaw which caused him to choose friends from families which didn't have kids my age. Consequently I was left with no choice but to strive to enter the world of the older kids. They played some pretty awesome games, for example:

Game #1

1. Convince Bryce that a mysterious concept known as "immaturity" is really what you want to be, and that to be called "mature" is the worst insult known to mankind.

2. Spend most of the day reinforcing the behavior. "Bryce, you're being so mature right now, stop it.", "Dude, that car is so immature looking!"

3. Let Bryce go home and tell everyone about his day.

4. Watch the fireworks.

Game #2

1. Do fun things in the name of an exclusive club, hinting that Bryce could possibly join the club someday.

2. Lay down the conditions for entering the club - a series of tasks (surprisingly not including doing anyone's chores), usually including jumping off of tall things.

3. Have Bryce attempt the final and greatest task - procuring the "bubble gum" from the secret cache.

4. Laugh and run away when Bryce realizes that the cache is actually a hole in the ground containing about 20 snakes.

and then of course there is the legendary "Five minutes peace", which works like this:

1. Tell Bryce he can play with you all day, but you just need "five minutes peace" first, during which you'll leave for five minutes and then come back.

2. Never come back.

I'm not bitter, I promise. Just know, Luke and Gregory, that someday you'll want to be in my club and then it will be my turn for five minutes peace.

As it turns out I haven't changed a whole lot. I still spend a lot of time thinking about how I can get in on the new fun thing. That's pretty normal, right? Now here's the revolutionary part: What if whenever I was doing the fun thing, I invited other people to do it with me? Some people are masters of the invitation, but I am not. Think about it though, what does an invitation say? It says "I'm doing something that I think would be valuable to you. And I value you enough that I want you to have this experience." It affirms both that you desire value and that you ARE valuable.

Hipsters aren't good at this. They'll tell you all the cool things they're doing, but they won't invite you because if too many people know about it, it gets ruined. What a weird idea! In general, even an introvert like me can admit that most things are fun with more people. I'm thinking about Canby house dinners. Or maybe ice skating. Playing baseball. Watching a movie. Pretty much the only time that lots of people isn't cool is when the whole point is to hang out with just one person. Mr or Mrs. Hipster, I promise not to ruin your new favorite band that no one has heard about. I promise. Also may I point out that I like your mustache?

Now if only I could think of more things to do that would be worth inviting people to. Anyone wanna play wiffle ball? 

I'm not joking.

Although I suspect that inviting people to do things that you do regularly, (i.e. feeding the chickens, taking a walk in the park, reading a book) can be just as good as great things like wiffle ball.

On Thinking

There are good times for thinking and bad times for thinking.

One good time for thinking is while you are walking in Gabriel Park in the morning. People walk by you and they smile at you, and you think about how great it is that people smile at you, even if it is just a social expectation. I try to walk in Gabriel Park in the mornings a lot these days. The other day I got passed by a swarm of mid-30's stroller moms, all smiling madly and showing me that their lives are great with these babies. I'm tempted not to believe them because Portland is all about cynicism sometimes. But then I choose not to, because, think about it, they're in their mid-30's and they've got babies. They're probably happy. I can respect that.

One bad time for thinking is late at night, when you're in your room and you're a little bit disappointed by how badly you cover Paul McCartney's "Let it Be" on your piano. Thinking late at night doesn't do much except make you feel depressed about how you're not good enough, or how you're not the person you wanted to be. There are no confident, smiling stroller moms in your room to make you smile. Not helpful.

Instead of thinking in your room late at night, you ought to listen to Mr. McCartney's "Let it Be" very loudly (on your headphones, so you don't wake people up). It will be therapeutic. Then you should go to bed and talk to Jesus a little. That would be a good decision. Then you can wake up in the morning and take a walk in the park.

It's not ignoring those thoughts about self-worth (because they're very important to deal with), it's waiting until you're in a good place to deal with them. Get a little perspective that only some natural lighting and good sleep can give you. Stroller moms help too.

Goodnight. I'll see you in the park.

Coming soon, to a park near you... STROLLER MOMS!